First Cry, I'm Ready
by kool-aidrocks2008
Summary: Tasha/Sam fic. "When you hear that first cry, you'll be ready." he said. and he was right cus she's cryin for the first time since she found out and i know i'm ready for this.----kind of a holiday fic. read review please. ONESHOT. FEMSLASH.


Meh, its' a holiday fic. Tasha/Sam. Read it Review it, lemme know what ya think. thanks guys

* * *

I had no right to react the way I did?! Was Carly fuckin kiddin me?!

"You're jokin right Carls?" I ask. She stares at me. "I was being honest." I reply simply. She sighs.

"Sam, Tasha's a very sensitive dem- woman. And you hurt her feelings pretty bad." I scoff.

"All I did was tell her the truth. I mean, its a reasonable reaction if you ask me." I defend myself. She seriously can't be takin the side of the woman she's hated for the past all our lives over mine. It just can't be possible.

"I agree with Sam on this one Carly. She's right, it was reasonable for Sam." Freddie cuts in.

"See! Even the unimportant annoyance thinks so." I exclaim dropping down on the sofa.

"I'm tryina help you here, it'd be nice if ya didn't go about insulting me." he says. I stare. He finally sighs and turns to Carly. "This book I read at my mom's place sa-"

"Why the hell are you twenty one years old still living with your mom anyway?" I break in. he glares at me.

"It's only part time." he defends through clenched teeth. "Anyway, it said that a lot of couples this early in the relationship go through this kind of thing when the prospect of having a baby comes along." he says.

"Early in the rela- Freddie, they've been together for like seven years and married for three! That's not early! It's time to stop having sex!" she exclaims.

"I just don't know if I'm ready to be a parent." I add quietly. We're talkin bout the argument that Tasha and I had a few days back.....

FLASHBACK

"_Sam?" Tasha seemed hesitant before approaching me. This kinda shocked me but I sorta let it go y'know? _

"_What's up?" I asked from my spot on the sofa. Well, I'm always on the sofa when I'm not workin, hanging with Carly and her pet doofus, or screwing Tasha sore. She sat down and fidgeted with her hands for a few minutes._

"_I wanna have a baby." she blurted out. I just blinked and laughed. _

"_Damn babe, you almost had me there, good one." I said before turning back to law and order. She was quiet for a few minutes._

"_I'm serious Sam, I want us to have a baby. I'm ready to start a family." she said. Now, we've never even discussed this in the past so its sort of a shock. _

"_Well you'd better go find you a baby daddy and have fun with that." I joked. "Send me pictures and everything." I added with a light chuckle. _

"_Sam..." she trailed off and I hopped up letting the freak out happen._

"_No Tash, this conversation isn't happening. Not now." I said pacing the floor._

"_Why not?!" she was angry, I could tell but I mean, ya can't just spring this on a person, ya should ease it up on em. _

"_Cus I'm at the height of my career and I don't need a kid fuckin that up!" I yelled. She flinched away but didn't back down. _

"_It wont be like that Sam." she whispered. I scoffed but if you'd look closely, you could see that there wasn't nothin but fear on my face and in my eyes. _

"_Yeah it will." I said. "There'll be cryin at all times of the night, diapers, awkward feedings and a whole lot of other shit I can't deal with." I added._

"_Maybe in the future?" she asked hopeful but, hello, freaking out here so of course I said something stupid._

"_No, I never want that." I said._

It's been about three or four days since I spoke to her. I mean, I know I was wrong but I was scared. I'm still scared. Of course I want that and it's really obvious that she does too. I'm just..... I wish she'd dropped hints, or maybe we shoulda discussed kids before getting married.

"What are you scared of?" Carly asks. I shrug.

"That I'll hurt the kid." I say with a shrug.

"Don't be crazy Sam, you'll be a great mom." surprisingly its Freddie.

"Yeah, you baby sit Claire all the time." Carly says referring to Spencer's three year old daughter.

"That's different." I mutter. "I get to send her home to her parents. She doesn't spend a night here or nothin. I mean, what if we had a baby, Tasha was away and the baby got sick? Then what?" I ask.

"You call me." Freddie says. "If you and Tasha do ever have a baby, I'd be happy to be your on call pediatrician." he says.

"But you don't have a license." I say. He smiles softly.

"I'll have one soon enough." he tells me. I just shake my head.

"You guys still don't get it." I say.

"So explain it to us." Carly says with shrug. I hop off the couch and pace a little before sittin between them again.

"My family is.... well my family is aggressive. You've seen how I act. What if....what if one day the baby's cryin and I.... I loose it?" I ask softly. "What if I can't take the responsibility and I take all the frustration out on the baby?"

"You wont." Freddie says.

"But you don't know that. I could really hurt that baby." I say.

"Sam what'd you do the first, second, then third time you failed the Bar?" Freddie asks.

"I-"

"Cried like a baby." Carly says.

"Didn't it frustrate you?" she asks after.

"And what about when you got skipped up from the ninth to the twelfth grade and had to take advance calculus?" I shift a little.

"I bitched and moaned but I do-"

"Did you take any of that out on Tasha? Did you ever hurt her?" Carly asks. I shake my head.

"No, I never would. I mea-"

"Then what makes you think you'd take it out on a baby?" Carly asks me. I sigh.

"Carly, you know my family. Hell, my mom just got sent BACK to jail. I'm not sure if I'm....." I really don't have an excuse. I mean, I'm twenty two and I have my own law firm. Well, it's not mine, I'm just a partner but.... I'm doin really good for someone my age. I haven't been in any trouble since I was fourteen and I've been in a stable relationship since I was fifteen. I'm doin better than everybody in my family. I guess I've just never thought about it. And really, a baby would be welcomed here. "I'm out of excuses." I whisper. Carly just kneels in front of me and smiles.

"Just, give it some thought and talk to Tasha. When you're both ready, then you guys can do this." she says hugging me.

"Thanks." I say.

"No problem, we love you and we're here for you. Now, Freddie and I have to go, we'll call you tomorrow." she says dragging the poor dork away.

"See ya Sam!" he calls out. I wave and turn my attention back to the tv before callin somebody who has experience in this.

--

"Well, I sorta freaked out at the thought of bein a dad too. At first." he says. I nod and lean back. "But the more I thought about it, the more I wanted it." he adds.

"But what changed your mind?" I ask. He thinks.

"Well, I wish I could say it was takin care of Carly all those years but it wouldn't be completely true. When Alice told me she was pregnant and she was sure it was mine after that night, I panicked. Then I thought about it for a week straight. After the initial freak out I still freaked out so I volunteered at the local children's shelter. Helping all those little kids, seeing them look up to me and trust me with their lives, it made me feel worth something. I wasn't just dorky Spencer Shay anymore, I was 'Uncle Spencer the super hero' to those kids. It made me proud. And I thought to myself, this is what I'm going to experience for the rest of my life as a dad. I'm going to be a super hero." he says with a fond smile. Having his daughter really made him grow up. He's still as dorky as ever but he's more.... I don't know but he's more somethin now.

"So, you think I should do what you did?" I ask. He shakes his head.

"You gotta figure this out on your own kiddo." he tells me.

"It's like.... I want to be a parent. I know I do, but I don't know if I'm ready." I tell him. "How do you know when you're ready?" I ask. He thinks back.

"I don't think anybody really knows when they're ready. For me, I didn't think I was until I held her and she smiled at me. And even then, I wasn't sure." he explains. I nod taking it all in.

"So you're saying, I'll probably never think I'm ready, even if I am?" I ask. He ponders.

"I'm saying you'll never know if you're ready until it's time. Then you'll know." he says.

"You confuse me." I say. He nods.

"Hmm. Well, I gotta go. Got a date with the most beautiful girl in town and she's impatient." he says. I smile.

"Tell the rugrat I said hey." I tell him. He smiles and walks to the door. He stops and looks at me for a moment,

"The first cry and you'll know." he says softly before kissing me forehead and leaving. Well, I guess I need to have this talk with Tasha now.

--

"We don't have too Sam." she says. It took me a week to get her to talk to me but she finally is. I shake my head.

"We really need to talk this through." I say. "How long have you wanted this?" I ask sittin in the chair across from hers at our table. She looks away then back to me with tears in her eyes. I jump outta my chair and rush straight to her. She's the only person I really do this for. Well, her and Carly but different. I pull her too me and let her silently cry.

"Since we were seventeen. I knew we'd be together, it was right after we broke up for two weeks but I knew we'd get back together." she says.

"How'd you know that?" I ask. I remember us breaking up cus she caught me cheatin. It was just a kiss but it hurt her a lot. That's part of the reason Carly almost couldn't come to the weddin in Cali we had. But she let her come cus it'd make me happy.

"Because I knew I loved you and I didn't want to lose you." she whispers. "And I still don't so if you don't want kids it's fine Sam. We can just get a..a puppy or something." she says. I stare into her eyes. I can't believe I love her this much but I do. I mean, me rough and tough I'll beat you with your own arm Sam, loves Tasha Jones, well legally Puckett, the biggest bitch from jr high.

"You'd give up wantin to be a mom just to keep me?" I ask. She nods.

"I'd give up anythin to keep you with me." she says. I smile.

"So would I. I love you." I say. She smiles back and kisses me quickly. She leans in for another but I pull away. "Can we just wait? See what the future brings for us?" I ask. She nods and smiles, hope filling her eyes.

"Of course. We have time." she says.

--

well that was like, in August, and it's Christmas morning. It's four Am and my cell phone is ringing. Tasha's been suspicious lately but I don't really blame her. I mean, if your wife was getting phone calls at all times of the night, wouldn't you be a little suspicious? But I assure you, its nothin to worry about.

"Hurry up and come to the damn door." Freddie hisses into the phone. I close it and ease away from Tasha. She's been working extra hard on some case lately and she's been really tired. But she swore she'd take Christmas off so and I'm not wakin her until eight or later. She works at the firm I'm a partner at but it's Spencer's firm. Don't worry though, he's still an artist. He's actually sculpted and painted almost every piece of art we have and lemme tell ya, he just gets better with time. I open up my front door and let Freddie in. he's trembling because, winter in Seattle is a bitch. I look at him expectantly and he smiles.

"Merry Christmas Sam, and it's gonna be a great new year." he says kissing me on the cheek.

"So...?" I trail off. He smiles and nods.

"Congrats." he says handing me a small little box with a bow.

"This it?"

"Yeah, just give it to her and she'll love it." he says. "I need to get home but call me and tell me what she says." he says offering me one more kiss on my cheek and leaving. I smile down at the small box and sigh thinking about how Christmas morning is gonna be.

--

its about ten now and she should be up any minute.

"Baby?" she calls out sleepily from our bedroom.

"In the living room!" I answer. She appears around the corner a few minutes later. God she's adorable. Her pink pajamas, messed up hair, and wide yawn. I'm a total sap cus I just fell in love a little more but I don't really care. She sits beside me snuggling into my side.

"Merry Christmas." she whispers with another yawn.

"Hopefully." I say. She looks up at me confused and I just kiss her forehead before handing her the box Freddie dropped off. She eyes it but opens it quietly. She sits up straight after looking inside and glances at me. I sit there nervously.

"Sam?" she says my name like its precious. I look up at her. "Wha-?" she questions before I cut in.

"T-there's more." I say pointin back to the box. She reaches in and pulls out the rest of her gift before looking at me with tears in her eyes.

"Oh god I.... I love you so much!" she exclaims. She hugs me so tight I think I'm gonna die from lack of oxygen.

"So you like it?" I ask. She nods happily.

"I love it! I love you! I just..." she keeps crying. In her box was the results of a pregnancy test Freddie did, yes he's qualified for that, and the papers of him signing over his parental rights of my baby to Tasha. Yeah, I asked him but, it seemed so obvious that I would. He's my guy best friend and it'd feel weird askin Spencer to father my child. He's like my brother. But anyway, Freddie agreed on the condition he's a part of the baby's life. I told him of course, he can be the god-father and the uncle. But enough about him. The look of pure joy on Tasha's face right now is enough to make the next few months, I'm three already, bearable.

"We're gonna have a baby in like six months!" she exclaims. "We're gonna have a baby!" she yells happily. Y'know, Spencer was right, this first cry and I know I'm ready.


End file.
